Darkness of My Past
by Disturbedvixen
Summary: (dark fic) It was the fault of the curse years back. He wanted to show his affection for her, but every attempt was followed by chaos. He could only run from her too keep history from repeating itself. HieixBotan
1. Cheruvim

**Disclaimer:** I only own the characters that aren't in the anime or manga.

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**This is my first HeixBotan fic. Since there aren't many of this coupling, I wanted to take a whack at this. As always, flames are accepted as long as you give me a reason for the flame. And, since this is a new fic, if you want me to take this down, I will.**

**Explanation:** The first couple of chapters will show Hiei's past and it'll explain how the curse was put on him. Be patient and the HieixBotan fluff will come soon. Oh yeah, if you notice the title "Darkness of my Past" and you're a fan of Linkin Park, then you'll probably know the words. This fic is based around the lyrical idea of "Easier to Run" so if anyone wants me to, a songfic chapter may be in order pretty soon.

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The metal of which the sword was made wasn't of particular quality, but in this fire demon's hands, it seemed to be made of something expensive.

"How much blood can a demon lose before they die?" he asked his prey. He smirked as his prey whimpered and attempted to bury itself into the thick layer of Makai silt. "You can't escape that way…I'll only accept death as a reasonable reprieve from my fun."

He cocked his head slightly at the lower-level demon he had chosen to hunt down. His ruby eyes cast an amusing gaze at the pitiful creature. One of its arms was already reduced to a bleeding stump and a large gash was placed across its stomach. The pinkish intestines were already beginning to peek out. If left to itself, it would easily die from blood lost or infection settling into the wounds.

He smiled. It would be interesting to watch this squirming bundle of organs die of either extremities but he didn't have the time for this. His ringleader would be displeased with him if he didn't return the object that was stolen.

"Now where's the Cheruvim?" he demanded. "You're already wasting my oxygen as it is."

"Please…I must return it to my master!" the demon whimpered. Its voice was barely audible.

"Return it? _You_ stole it from Murasaki! Give it to me and I may spare your neck…"

The weaker demon began to sob. It was a pathetic sight. "I am to die anyway! Poor mistress…she wants it returned to help her child. She's a great lady…she'll punish you for this!" it screamed through its tears. "You'll pay, Hiei! You'll pay!"

Hiei narrowed his eyes at the demon. It was beginning to bore him. "Hn. As if _that_ would stop me…or Murasaki for that matter.

"Go ahead and try to kill me. My time is due," the creature replied in a chocked voice. "But to get the Cheruvim, you have to go through Mistress Lanzet. It's buried within my soul. It'll only return to mistress in the end!"

Hiei wrinkled his nose in contempt. Why kill the thing when it _asked_ him to? The whole point was to enjoy their squirming and their prayers to whatever god or devil they worshipped. When things _wanted_ to die, the enjoyment was taken away. He took a step back and held the sword at his side. "I think I'll let you suffer… I'll leave you to choke on your blood. Have fun putting your intestines in."

He raised the sword one last time and widened the already large gash on the creature's stomach. As promised, organs spilled further out of the gash. He looked disgustedly at his bloodstained sword. He sighed and wiped the blood on the grass. Even though he was skilled with this weapon, it was heavy for him. He was built for speed and sneak attacks. A normal sword suited a more muscular person. He, Hiei, was short of stature and his build was lithe. He sheathed the sword and walked towards the abandoned house he and his fellow thieves stayed in.

* * *

"You didn't get it?!"

Murasaki's angry voice was nothing compared to his blows. He kicked Hiei out of the room. Normally an angry blow such as this sent him flying across the room and in a haphazard landing on his back. This time, he was still sent flying but he twisted his body in the air, helping him land in a less painful position. He stayed on his hands and knees, knowing that this left him in a less vulnerable position.

"Worthless child! I brought you in when your whore of a mother tossed you aside. I _clothed_ your ungrateful back when she left you in tattered rags. I fed your sorry ass and this is the repayment I get?" Murasaki spat with his deep voice. The muscles in his arms rippled with his anger. His golden hair moved with his movements. "You couldn't get a simple object back from a lower-level demon."

He walked towards Hiei and landed another blow on the teen. "If I sent you to kill a human, could you not accomplish that either?"

Hiei stared defiantly at Murasaki. Murasaki had his own charming good looks. His features were shaped perfectly. Only one mark scared the perfection, giving him a deadly edge. A long scar ran from his forehead, down the right eye and cheek, stopping at a halt at his sternum. It gave him a perpetually angry look. His body was lightly muscled. A thick mane of golden hair fell to his shoulders in a silky wave.

"Are you going to look stupidly at me, child, or are you going to answer? If I made you kill a human could you? Or is that too great of a task?" Murasaki demanded, hearing nothing come from Hiei's mouth.

"I can kill them with ease, but you don't understand. You never give me a fucking chance to explain myself," Hiei said in a low voice. He pushed himself into a standing position and fixed his ruby eyes on Murasaki's cobalt ones. "You blow up in a second without even _considering_ the possibilities." He took a steadying breath. "You sent me to retrieve the stolen Cheruvim but there was a catch. The Cheruvim was part of that demon's soul. When he died, the Cheruvim would just go back to the previous owner…his Mistress Lanzet. Whoever that is…"

Murasaki glared at Hiei in disgust. "You're only fifteen. At your age you should be dead and certainly not have the skills or gall to talk back to me…" His hands clenched into fists. "But…I'll give you another chance. We'll find this Lanzet woman and we'll take the Cheruvim back."

The fire demon lessoned his intense gaze and ran the back of his hand across his lips to wipe the blood that collected at the corners. Because he was the youngest of the entire ring, he got the brunt of every bad attitude. He acted as if the remarks Murasaki made about his mother didn't penetrate him, but it did. He wanted to know why his mother abandoned him. If she had stayed with him, he would possibly lead a happier life.

"Tomorrow, we'll find this bitch and kill her," Murasaki promised. He threw a bag at Hiei. "That's your food. And you might want to take some of the unicorn draught to get you fixed up." He surveyed Hiei's bleeding cheek without guilt. "If you're wrong about this, I'll throw you into a pool of hate fish with your limbs tied."

With this, Hiei was left alone. He climbed gracefully into a tree to open the bag. He nibbled on the bread and meat before taking the draught. He sighed and wiped the access blood from his cheek. He stared at his reddened fingers with hate growing. _"As soon as I repay my debt to this bastard, I'm going to make sure no one makes me bleed while I'm forced to take it…"_ he vowed to himself. He sipped the draught and fell into a deep sleep.

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"Wake up! This is a major mission! Get the Cheruvim back at no cost!" Murasaki barked early the next morning.

Hiei opened his eyes and blinked. The Makai sun had barely risen in the horizon. He groaned. It would figure that Murasaki would wake them up this early.

"What's so important about this thing! It's just some stupid statue of an angel!" one of the other members asked.

"I know that, Yoichi," Murasaki said stupidly. "Inside the statue, there's some sort of essence. Once we harness the power, we can rule all the worlds. No creature would stand in our way." He raised his gaze to Hiei in the tree. "_He_ says we only have to find a woman named Lanzet who has the Cheruvim. Kill her, and we'll have it."

"I didn't say all that," Hiei said quickly. He jumped out of the tree. "But that sounds about right."

"But…" Yoichi began. "Can we trust him? He doesn't half enough brains to find his mother. He claims he can hunt things down, right?"

"Fuck off," the fire demon snarled.

Murasaki narrowed his eyes at Yoichi as well. "You don't have the right to insult him. I provide for him, I own him. Might I remind you that I own you as well?" He smirked at the squirming demon. "Exactly. Only I can insult him and beat him. Now, find this Lanzet woman." He pointed at Hiei. "He still reeks of the demon he killed. Hunt the remains of our prey down and we'll probably find Lanzet."

Yoichi took in the scent that was missed with Hiei's. He sniffed the air and led the procession.

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A human woman with long brown hair tied in a ponytail looked down at the demon that lay quivering on the ground. She gasped, looking at the gaping wounds and the blood that had pooled around the body. "Who did this to you?" she demanded.

"The abandoned child…Hiei Jaganshi," the demon sputtered through a mouthful of blood. "He was searching for the Cheruvim, mistress."

Lanzet chewed nervously on her lower lip. "What happened to it? Did he take it?"

"No. It's in my soul. When I die, you can have it to heal your son."

"But…all your redemption in this world! What good will it be?"

"I won't go to the dark place, Miss. They say that demons like me who do good can be turned into angels in Reikai."

The demon smiled at Lanzet and he was gone. He had smiled his last smile. Lanzet watched as a small golden statue emerged along with the demon's soul. She clasped the Cheruvim to her chest. "Thank you…" she said in a small voice. She brushed the tears away and entered the small house. She placed the statuette above her sleeping son's head. She kissed him on the forehead.

"Just a few more hours of this near you and you should be fine." She stroked his feverish cheeks. "I've missed my little boy being a free spirit."

Murasaki kicked the door open. "Lanzet!" he called. "I seek a woman by the name Lanzet."

Lanzet hurried to the door. "Yes? That's me."

"Good. You have the Cheruvim. Hand it over."

"No! I need it to heal my little boy!"

Murasaki smirked. "Who cares about some human boy?" He glanced over his shoulder. "Hiei? Kill this boy of hers."

Hiei slid quickly into the room. He looked down at the boy. The boy was around his age. _"He's suffering…the least I can do is end it,"_ he thought. He took his sword and stabbed it easily into the human's chest. The boy's breathing stopped abruptly.

Lanzet stared at him. All these years of her working to save her son had been for nothing. All her patience was gone with Hiei's act. "What do you want from me?" she screamed with a mix of hysteria and emotional pain.

"The Cheruvim," Hiei answered easily. "You're a human. That gives us a right by evolution to take what we want from you." He held the sword at her. "Move over or die."

"Go ahead and kill me, but you'll never be able to use the Cheruvim. It takes a good intention to use any power it has." She sneered at him. "Kill me…I'll leave your life to be damned by this hatred. One day you'll find a reason to love and you'll remember me." She shook her bangs from her eyes. "Abandoned child…forbidden child…" she taunted hysterically.

"Shut up!" Hiei screamed at her. "My name is Hiei Jaganshi!" His teenage pride was already on the brink as it was. He didn't need a lamenting mother to rub her love of her child in his face. How dare she do that to him? He cut at her with the sword. In one blow, he killed her. He didn't have the patience to let the woman suffer.

Murasaki smiled. "Good job. Give me the Cheruvim."

Hiei held his hand out stretched to obey. The gold statue lit up for a brief second, and Hiei felt as if he had been zapped by electricity. He threw the Cheruvim at Murasaki and shuddered. "What was that?"

"Maybe the woman cast some sort of spell on you." The taller demon shrugged. "She said you'd find a reason to love some day and you'd remember her." He smirked. "As if you'd find someone to love…feh…"

The fire demon blinked at Murasaki uncertainly. He knew that he wouldn't have the heart to love someone, but still, who wanted a curse on them? He shrugged. _"Hn. It won't matter anyway…"_

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**There's the first chapter! Like I said above, if you want this fic taken down, then let me know! But if you want it down, pretty please give me a reason as to why you want it taken down!**


	2. Botan

**Disclaimer:** I only own the characters that aren't in the anime or manga. Flames are encouraged, but please give me the reason for your flame so things may be fixed in the future if needed.

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"Get out of here! If you can't hunt with the rest of us, you can live on your own!" Murasaki spat. He aimed a kick at Hiei as he always did when irritated.

But of course Hiei was used to this. He dodged the kick with a clever twist of his own. As soon as Murasaki's leg came at him, the fire demon grabbed him by the ankle and twisted sharply. Sinew and ligaments tore in the leg. Murasaki howled with pain and fell down, caught off guard by Hiei's sudden retaliation.

"Damn it!" Murasaki hissed. He grabbed his injured leg and whimpered in pain.

Hiei gaped at him in amazement. Murasaki was a strong, powerful demon. Getting to such a strong level meant withstanding a lot of pain. All he had done to him was harm his leg and Murasaki was whimpering like a whipped puppy. A smirk quirked at Hiei's lips. How amusing this was becoming…

Hiei crossed his arms. "I'll leave. Not only because I defy you, but because you aren't strong enough to be my equal—especially not my master." He leaned over Murasaki and took the demon's sword. "I'll take this off your hands. Don't feel left out. You can have the cheap piece of shit you gave me to carry." He slammed the heavy sword into Murasaki's face and left.

==

Hiei stopped at a brook. He got down on his knees at the brook's edge and cupped his hands. He splashed the water on his face to wash away the sweat. He had been running as far away from Murasaki and the rest as he could. It wasn't because he was afraid of them. He felt that he needed to get as far away from them as possible before he chickened out and came back to them, begging for forgiveness. He had done it before when he was many years younger. Each return was greeted by laughs and beatings. Every since he learned he was abandoned as a baby, he had a growing fear of being left alone. But this time, he decided that being alone was better. There would be no one to make him feel unimportant and insecure. Now he had to rely on his own skills to survive.

"This time, I'm never coming back. Never," he said angrily. He stretched out on the grass and folded his arms under his raven head. He closed his crimson eyes in weary relief. Finally…finally, he was able to live on his own and be his own man. He yawned widely. 'I'll never have to listen to that bastard again,' he thought as he slowly drifted into sleep.

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Hiei woke up sputtering. Someone or something had splashed icy cold water on him. He sat up quickly, shaking his sodden bangs away from his eyes. He was about to pull out his sword but he stopped, seeing a girl before him—a pretty girl that seemed to be a year or two younger than him. He gaped at her. He had never been exposed to females. True, he had killed a few demon girls…and he killed that Lanzet woman. Each was attractive in her own way, but it wasn't a radiant beauty. This girl, however, was gorgeous.

Her hair was a silky cerulean color that was tied into two childish pigtails. Childish, yes, but it seemed to give her an innocent appeal. It was her eyes that made her seem mischievous…those lavender orbs that glittered with a smile.

She noticed his gape and frowned slightly. "Did you die or something?" She looked down at her hands and then touched the top of her head. "Did I grow horns?" she asked curiously. She lowered her hands and stared back at the fire demon. "Why are you staring at me?"

Hiei quickly regained his usual harsh façade. "I wasn't staring at you," he said lamely.

"I believe you were. The question is why."

"Hn. You don't control what I look at," Hiei snapped.

Both of them glared at each other. They were arguing like kindergarteners and it was getting them nowhere.

"Look," the girl said. "Let's not argue."

Hiei shrugged. "So why did you pour water on me?"

"It's getting dark. You don't sleep outside at night when there're demons out here. Don't you know how dangerous they are?"

The fire demon blinked at her. "You're afraid of demons?"

The girl looked down at her feet. "Well…yes. They killed my family."

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't have a family either."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I was abandoned when I was born. That's why I'm called the 'abandoned child'…or forbidden child," Hiei said slowly. He shrugged sadly. He frowned at himself. Why was he telling her all this? "But, there's a big difference between you and me." He wasn't about to let this female faze him. He focused his ruby eyes on her. "I am a demon. You are a human. And you know what that means—it means that you are to die at my hands."

The girl gasped and backed away. "Y-you're a demon?" She stumbled in her desire to get further away and fell onto her back.

Hiei moved closer to her and stood above her. "Yes, I'm a demon." He smirked. His usual urge to kill a helpless being came to him in a slow wave. It was wonderful to be at this level in the chain of life. He could torment this human girl until she screamed for mercy…or died.

He took out the sword he took from Murasaki. He weighed it in his dominant hand, getting used to the lighter weight. He swung it at the girl, watching her lavender eyes widen in fear. He held the sword steadily. He moved it back and forth, smiling with sadistic amusement as she watched the sword's movement.

She sighed in sudden frustration and relaxed her tense nerves. "Go ahead and kill me," she said in a low voice.

Hiei nearly dropped his sword. "What?" he sputtered.

"Just kill me!" she repeated. "Who do I have to live for? Who wants me alive?"

The fire demon lowered his sword and continued to stare at her. Her words made him think about how he had felt for all these years. Nobody wanted an abandoned child yet he still found a reason to live. The thing that kept him going was the thought of revenge. One day when he was strong enough, he would ensure that no one would beat him without a fair fight. That's what he strived for—power.

He nodded and sheathed his sword. "I know how you feel. That's how I've felt. Still do." He sat down beside her. He chortled, sensing how tense she was as she sat up. "Relax. If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead," he said.

The girl snorted. "That's very reassuring you know."

"Hn. Be glad I allowed you to live." He smirked and gazed into the distance. "You're the first, you know…"

"Huh? The first…? What does that mean?" She blinked curiously at him. Demons were such strange things.

"You're the fist I let live. When I get the urge to kill someone, usually nothing stops me." He met her gaze evenly. "There's something about you that stopped me."

She smiled. "Right. I'm sure that it's my dashing good looks that did this, right?" she asked sarcastically.

Hiei blinked at her. He caught her sarcasm with ease but the words made him think. He shrugged and returned to gazing into the distance. "Maybe…" he said softly.

"What?! Are you serious?" she sputtered. She began to laugh. "Don't tease me just because I'm a human girl. I was joking, ok? There's no way my looks can keep a demon from killing…" She shook her head and continued to giggle.

The fire demon scowled. He had never associated laughter with fun or happiness. Laughter was a goad Murasaki used against him. "Shut up!" he snapped angrily. "I'm sorry I let you live…damn humans."

She stopped abruptly and gaped at him. "What did I do this time!" she demanded huffily. "You demons are all the same." She stood up and crossed her arms. "I'm sorry you let me live too. I wouldn't have to live in a demon infested world…" She stomped off.

"You shouldn't have crossed over to Makai in the first place! Go back to the worthless surface world!" he called after her. He gritted his teeth, fuming over his humiliation. How dare she laugh at him! Didn't she know that laughter was only a goad? It couldn't possibly symbolize happiness…it symbolized anger…blood lust. How could she be so idiotic? Impudent humans with their brainless insinuations…

As he sat, his mind went back to Murasaki. He remembered the way he had come back from a kill when he was only seven years old. He had let his guard down when he had assumed his victim to be dead. As he turned, the dying victim sank a dagger into his arm. Hiei had went to Murasaki, nearly fainting from blood loss.

'Please,' he had begged. 'Help me.'

Murasaki had laughed at him. "Help yourself. I'm not going to be the one to wipe you ass when you fuck up a mission." He had thrown some dirty linen at him. "Wash this and use it to patch up your arm." He laughed again at Hiei's dubious expression and turned away.

Hiei drifted out of his reverie and focused his angry thoughts on how the girl had laughed at him. She hadn't laughed at him as Murasaki had done. She was laughing because of what he had said. He cocked his head thoughtfully. Maybe he had been too harsh. He weighed his decision carefully, making sure that it wouldn't be a foolish one.

"Hey…" he called after her. He flushed, realizing that he didn't know her name. He chased after her.

"What do you want?" she said bitterly. "Come to yell at me some more? Well I'm telling you now—I'm not going to listen to it." She crossed her arms in a defiant way Hiei knew so well.

"No. I came to…a-apologize," he began slowly. "I'm sorry I yelled…I'm just used to getting my ass chewed over simple things. I've never heard someone laugh because of what I said. I've only had laughter directed at me, you see?"

The girl's harsh look melted. "Aw…poor thing. I'm sorry I acted like I did." She held a hand out. "I'll accept your apology if you accept mine. Deal?"

Hiei focused his ruby eyes on her hand, wondering if she was going to pull out a weapon. He took this gesture as a harmless one and took her hand. "Deal." He let go of her hand. "I didn't catch your name," he began, his face heating up.

"It's Botan," she said. She smiled a dazzling smile. "What's your name? Unless you want me to call you 'abandoned child'…?"

"Hn. I'd prefer that you call me Hiei."

* * *

It didn't take long for them to become closer. In a few days time, they began to admit more of their secrets to each other. Hiei admitted his fear of being abandoned again and Botan admitting the fact that her parents were among the group of humans that had migrated to Makai to escape the troubles of the human world.

"Troubles?" Hiei exclaimed incredulously. "What could there possibly be that's worse than Makai?"

"There were wars going around. Warlords were attacking families of high class so they could expand their territories. My dad was the emperor's aid. The emperor had been killed so that meant we were to die next. We escaped here."

"Hn. How the hell did you end up here anyway? Makai isn't like Ningenkai. There's a portal to this world somewhere."

"We followed some weak demons to a portal so here we are." Botan shrugged. "We should've just stayed on the Surface World. Either way, my parents were going to die." Her voice began to sound different. She sounded like she was going to cry.

Hiei winced, hearing her take a shuddering breath. "Look, it doesn't matter anymore," he began. He wasn't sure how to calm a female. The only way he knew was to kill them, but he didn't want to kill Botan. He reached out to her awkwardly and patted her back. "If your parents didn't come here, how would I have met you?"

Botan smiled. "Good point." She snuggled into his embrace, laying her head on his shoulder.

This left Hiei feeling more awkward. He wasn't used to anyone touching him so tenderly or even wanting to be this close to him. His first impulse was to push her away, but he ignored it. He was actually enjoying this. He had never thought that being so close to someone would be enjoyable, not cause pain or goad his short temper.

For the first time in his life, he smiled. 'Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be,' he decided thoughtfully. 'At this girl's side…'

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**Here are the people that reviewed the last chapter! I didn't expect to get so many reviews! Thanks a lot!**

**KuramaandHiei4ever:** As I said, yes, Lanzet is YOU! Mwahaha! Sorry, but Lanzet is her first name. I like having weird names in my fic. No offense. I'm not saying your last name is weird. It's just a weird FIRST name! Aren't you sad that your character died already? But don't worry. You get to haunt Hiei in the later chapters! You say my beginnings are mysterious? How are they mysterious? O.O Thanks for your review! You're the very first person to review this chapter and my story all together!

**Spoonerific:** Yeah, it is a pretty difficult pairing. It's so hard to keep Hiei in character while trying to make him chase aimlessly after a girl. I just hope I don't screw it up. Thanks for your review!

**DarkShadowWriter:** You're too kind. Thanks for the review.

**HieilovesBotan:** I updated! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I appreciate you leaving me a review!

**Volpone:** You? Feeling inadequate because of MY fics? No way! Your fics are better written. If you updated as often as I do, you would be even MORE better than me. Yes, Hiei DOES fall in love with a certain deity. But there's a small twist involved in the upcoming chapters.

**Tyedye/Rin:** You think it's a great plot? Thanks a lot! I hope this chapter is long enough, but I can never be sure!

**Conspiring against me:** That's ok if you don't like HieixBotan fics. I'm just trying to do something different. Thanks for your review just the same!

**Distant Voice:** ::blush:: thanks. Ok the Cheruvim is sort of like an artifact (like the Forlorn Hope) only people with good hearts can use it and leave a lasting impression. Hm…it's hard to explain. Just know that it's an object that left Hiei cursed, k? Thanks for your review. What's an AU again? I heard it somewhere…

**Robin Autumn:** HieixBotan pairings are ok. I'm used to KuramaxBotan pairings, but I'm trying something new this time!

**Fair Undomiel:** Rare pairings? This isn't that rare. There's just not many of this pairing out there. Now how about a KarasuxBotan fic? THAT is rare. I may write one just because Karasu rocks! Well I appreciate your review!

**miyako14:** Thanks! You're always there to support me! ::sniff:: thanks so much!

**Dragonbabe:** Yep, Hiei's in this! Enjoy the Hiei-ness!

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	3. Remebering the past, hating the present

**Disclaimer:** I only own the characters that aren't in the anime or manga. Flames are encouraged, but please give me the reason for your flame so things may be fixed in the future if needed.

* * *

"We can't live in the wilderness," Botan said one day. "Maybe you forgot, but I'm a human. I need things like a soft place to sleep and an actual roof over my head."

Hiei looked up from skinning a Makai deer. "When did you decide this?" he asked.

"I've been thinking about it for maybe over a month. I thought it'd be fun to live outside at first…and you were there to protect me of course, but I wasn't raised like you were."

The fire demon gazed thoughtfully at her. They had been living in the wild for several months now. He had quickly taken a liking to her and he had decided that she would be his mate. He had never stopped to wonder if Botan was happy living the way he was used to. As her words entered his mind, he realized that he would have to keep her happy if he were to live in peace. When Botan was angry, she could stay this way for a week. But what could he do? Was he a carpenter?

"What do you want me to do about it?" he demanded. "Maybe you didn't notice, but I wasn't raised to build a house. If you need me to kill something or someone, I can definitely do that." He returned to the skinning and began to scrape the fat from the pelt.

"Well that can be arranged…" Botan replied after a moment. "I can have a house and you can kill someone."

At the mention of killing, Hiei looked up in eagerness. "Really? What's your plan?"

"There are houses about a mile or so away. Kill the people that live there and we can take their house." Her amethyst eyes lit up. "I've always wanted to have a nice house. I was raised in a thatch shed…"

"That's better than what I had. I was raised outside."

"You demons are such pigs…"

"Hn. Pigs you say? Can a pig provide food for you? Can it catch the prey, kill it and cook it? Can a pig clothe you?" He stood up and came menacingly towards her. His ruby eyes were narrowed.

Botan flinched. "I didn't mean it like that," she sputtered. She had never been on the bad end of a demon's temper, but she had seen what it could do. She found herself backing against a tree. "Hiei," she began helplessly. "I really didn't mean it like that!"

Hiei ignored her words, his eyes still glittering strangely. He quickly closed the distance between them and grabbed her shoulders. "A pig, am I?" His harsh look faded into a smirk.

"No." She sighed in relief at finding Hiei was only teasing her. "You aren't a pig."

"Good. Because a pig can't do everything I can." He lessened his hold on her and ran his fingers down her cheek. His smirk left him. Now his emotions were unclear on his face. He looked at Botan, his eyes studying her features. "You…you make me feel strange," he began, attempting to explain why he felt a need to be so close to her.

"Strange? Strange like how?"

"I feel less…exposed. I've been noticing that every time I was alone when I lived with Murasaki that I felt weak and unprotected. You make me feel strong because you count on me to protect you. But at the same time I feel weak when I'm around you. It's too difficult to explain."

Botan flushed. "I understand what you mean. I love you too."

"Love? What's love?" He stared at her. To him, love was another word for obsession. "You're obsessed with me?" he asked slowly.

"No, not like that. Love is something you feel. It makes you feel a lot of things at once when you think about a person." She wrapped her arms around the fire demon's neck and closed her eyes.

Hiei patted her awkwardly. "I can't tell if I love you or not. I don't really know what the word is," he murmured with embarrassment.

They stood arm in arm in silence for a while. Finally, it was Hiei who broke the silent moment. "Let's find you that house you wanted. As soon as I get done with the animal, we'll get you that house."

* * *

The two of them had been walking for quite a while now. The sun had been up when they had left. Now that they were getting close to the village, the sun was lowering in the distance. The fire demon looked at his side. Botan was breathing heavily. Obviously she wasn't used to walking long distances without a break. But still, she wasn't complaining, and Hiei could only smile with pride.

"Are you sure you don't want to sit for a while?" he asked for the tenth time.

"We're almost there," Botan argued. "If I die, I'll just expect you to drag me to a burial ground and give me a decent funeral." She squinted her eyes to see how much further it was. "Is it much further?" she asked.

"No." He calculated the distance and concentrated on how he felt. He felt fine—he wasn't tired or anything. Once again he glanced to his side to study Botan. She wouldn't be able to walk much further unless she stopped. In one swift motion, he picked Botan up and used his demon speed to reach the village.

He put her down and looked at all the houses. "Choose one and I'll do the rest." He rested his hand on the hilt of his sword. Botan pointed at a house and Hiei marked its position in his mind. "We can't do it now," he explained. "We have to wait until dark so no one will see us."

Night came almost too quickly. Once all the lights in every house went out, Hiei went to the house Botan chose and killed the people who lived in it. Actually, there was only a young man that lived there. Botan chewed nervously on her lower lip. What if the other villagers found out? She chose this house for a reason. It was further away from the village…it almost wasn't part of the village. But what stopped people from questioning the sudden disappearance of the young man?

"Are you sure this is safe?" Botan asked nervously. She curled up on the futon Hiei laid out for her.

"It doesn't matter. I'm here with you. That's all that counts. Not go to sleep and I'll keep you safe."

* * *

Life went smoothly for the pair. The villagers weren't nosy people. They had only assumed that the young man had moved out and sold the house to the young couple.

Botan smiled warmly at Hiei who lay before the fire. He nudged a pot over it to help the deity with the stew she was experimenting with. "Comfortable?" she asked him.

"I suppose. I don't have to listen to you nag when it starts raining anymore." He ran his fingers lethargically through his spiky raven hair. "Are you comfortable here?"

"Yes. I'm with you and we have a nice house. That's all that's important to me."

"Hn. And to think, it only cost a single human life. How wonderful life is," Hiei remarked with sarcasm.

Botan stuck out her tongue and continued to repair the rip in her skirt.

"Demons! Demons!" a shrill scream echoed throughout the small village.

"Demons?" Botan exclaimed. "Did they find out about you?"

"There's no way in hell they could have done that. Some demons must be on a raid here." He scowled. "That's why humans should stay in Ningenkai. There's no way that a village of humans could survive more than a few years with all these thieves."

"But what will we do?"

Hiei rolled over on his back and crossed his arms as he stared up at the ceiling. His brow was furrowed in thought. "I don't know. Just stay with me and you should be fine."

Botan clasped her hands together. She trusted the fire demon but she still couldn't help but feel worried. What if the demons attacking were more powerful than Hiei? And if there were more than just one, there was no way Hiei could handle all of them and protect her at the same time.

"Don't stress," Hiei commanded. He had a basic understanding of how Botan must be feeling. He was worried about the same thing, but he didn't want her to worry over it. He would do the worrying for both of them. "We'll wait for them to come to us. If we leave this place to hide in the woods, they can easily single us out. Here, we either kill them all or die trying."

"It's dying that I'm worried about."

"Well don't worry. It'll distract me from keeping your neck safe."

They waited nervously in the house, listening to the villager's frightened screams. Hiei inched closer to Botan. It made him feel better knowing that he was in touch with the girl. As expected, their door crashed open. A tall, broad shouldered demon walked in.

Hiei narrowed his eyes. "Murasaki…" he growled.

Murasaki smiled with pleasure. "You recognize me. I'm surprised that you know my face after you've been associating with human scum." He winked lecherously at Botan before returning his gaze to the fire demon. "Aren't you interested to know how we found you?"

"Not really." The fire demon slowly reached for his sword. "Get out and leave me alone."

"I want my sword back. And I also want you to apologize you for maiming my leg."

"You can kiss my ass!"

Botan touched Hiei's shoulders. "He isn't asking for much! Just do what he asks and he'll leave us alone," she begged.

"He's lying," Hiei said in determination.

"Am I? You should take the chance of doing as I ask. There'll be a smaller possibility for your beloved concubine to be destroyed."

"She isn't a concubine! Get out of my house!"

Botan looked from Hiei to Murasaki. She didn't understand that, to Hiei, pride was more important than facing death. Hiei would rather die than bow before Murasaki.

"You won't obey me? Fine." Murasaki snapped his fingers. Immediately, the house was flooded with ants. They were nearly ten times the size of normal ants. "Look familiar? Makai ants are much more fun than the ones from Ningenkai."

"Why's that?" Botan asked.

"These can rip flesh from your bones when they bite you. If you somehow survive, you'll be left paralyzed where you were bitten."

Hiei stood up and drew his sword. He lunged forward and plunged the sword through Murasaki's heart. He drew the sword out slowly, savoring the look of angry surprise on the demon's face. Murasaki's corpse landed amidst the Makai ants. They immediately began to rip at the corpse.

Botan gasped and stood up behind the fire demon. "How are we going to get away from these?!"

"Move around. These things usually eat dead bodies. If you stay still, they'll sense the lack of movement." Hiei swung his sword around, clearing the ants away from him.

"I hate bugs!" Botan hopped up and down, grimacing at the countless bugs.

The fire demon continued to swing the sword. He inched forward as the ants cleared away. When the swarm returned, he swung his sword again. He continued with this until he made it to the door with Botan at his side. "Come on!" he insisted. "We need to find a river or creek of some kind to cross."

Hiei took Botan by the hand and led her blindly through the woods. Every so often, he glanced behind him. The ants were right behind him. He paused when he heard the sound of gushing water. He shoved Botan towards it, forcing her to cross the river. He went behind her, ensuring that she didn't get swept away by the current. He kept his eyes glued to the river. The ants hit the water. The ones behind those followed. Soon the water was choked with dead ants. There were so many ants that the current slowed to a stop.

"Damn it!" Hiei hissed. "Run! I'll see if I can slow them down!" He watched as more ants crawled over the dead ants and crossed over to fire demon.

"Hiei!" Botan cried out.

The fire demon turned sharply. He gasped, seeing Yoichi with his arms wrapped tightly around Botan. The wolf demon quickly tied the girl's arms and legs together.

"Untie her!" Hiei turned the sword on the wolf demon.

"Nope! Murasaki warned me of this and I came prepared! You ran away from us…you deserve this." He sneered. "Come back to the group so I can kick your ass."

Hiei looked from Yoichi to Botan. He didn't want her to get hurt on his behalf but he also didn't want to come back to Murasaki. He lowered his weapon reluctantly.

"Good…now I want you to take that sword and slit this girl's throat."

"No."

"Have you forgotten how wonderful it is to watch a person die? Don't you remember how exciting it is to see your victim's final breath as they beg for mercy?"

The fire demon didn't say anything. He watched as Yoichi ran his fingers through Botan's azure hair. "Let her go—now."

Yoichi shrugged. "All right. If you want that." He shoved the deity's head into the crook of his elbow and twisted. It was enough to break her neck, but not enough to kill her. It did leave her paralyzed, however, and the wolf demon laid her in a mound of Makai ants.

Hiei ran to her, trying desperately to brush the ants away.

Yoichi smirked and kicked the fire apparition away. In an instant, the wolf demon drew out a scimitar and sliced at Hiei. Hiei was forced to defend himself rather than help Botan. He dodged a rain of blows and finally managed to kill Yoichi. He turned to Botan and realized that he was too late. Her body was gone and the tide of ants had slowly ebbed away.

His ruby eyes blinked several times as he struggled to accept the fact that the only girl he loved was gone forever. He fell to his knees and beat his fists against the ground. "Damn it!" he cursed. He pressed his forehead against the grass. He could still smell Botan's scent where she had lain. He continued to berate himself for being so weak. If only he was stronger…he could have killed Murasaki far sooner than he had. Now it was too late…far too late to save the one girl he could ever have feelings for. Now that she was gone, there was nothing to live for… The bad thing was that she died without knowing that he loved her… He did love her! But it was too late for that too.

"I'm so damn stupid!" he screamed at himself.

==**Ten Years Later**==

Hiei yawned to show his lethargy for the stupid game the humans were playing. Botan had come up with the idea of playing truth or dare. The fire demon wanted no part of this. Kurama had been bullied into playing even though he insisted he had far too much homework to attend to.

"Okay, Yusuke. Truth or dare?" Botan asked. The bottle she spun had landed on the Spirit Detective.

The chocolate-eyed teen answered 'truth'. He was afraid of what kind of 'dare' Botan would make him accomplish—all he knew was that it was sure to be something embarrassing.

"How many girlfriends have you had so far?"

"God damn it, Botan! Why the hell do you need to know that?"

Kurama smiled into his AP Physics book. As he had suspected, Botan wanted to play this game as an excuse to nose into everyone's social life. He cast an amused gaze at Hiei, wondering if the fire apparition had caught this fact as well. His smile faded as he noted his friend's distant look. _'I wonder what he's thinking about? He seems to have been day dreaming since the day Botan introduced herself._' He turned his emerald eyes on the bubbly ferry girl. '_Perhaps Hiei is infatuated with her…how strange that would be…_' Personally, he found the ferry girl to be attractive. Her bubbly attitude was amusing and it was always interesting to see what sort of ditsy remark she would make to lighten a tense moment.

But what was Hiei thinking? Maybe he was glaring at her because she was annoying. No…that wasn't the case. The fire apparition was gazing thoughtfully at the ferry girl. His thoughts were floating back ten years ago. The image of the only girl he had ever loved came to his mind vividly. The girl's name was Botan and she had azure hair and amethyst eyes. She was similar to ferry girl that sat before him. They could easily be the same person. The present day Botan was certainly attractive and her vivacious attitude was the same as the one from the past. The only problem was that the Botan he had fallen in love with was dead. She had died in the mass of Makai ants. He had watched her get attacked by them with his own two eyes.

He scowled, causing his handsome features to harden into a harsh look his friends knew too well. He was ashamed to find that he found the ferry girl before him to be attractive. It made him feel like he was being disloyal to the image of the deity he cherished long ago. He had carefully nursed the wound Botan (from the past) created when she had died. He was still hurting over this loss. True, it didn't hurt as much as it did on those first few days. The pain was down to a dull throbbing. He was slowly beginning to forget about her when the ferry girl popped up. She was the perfect image of the girl he tried so hard to forget. The wound that had slowly healed had now been harshly reopened, bringing back fresh waves of memories and emotions. He hid all this behind a carefully built façade that kept only anger and hatred visible at first glance.

Because of what the ferry girl did to him, he could only hate this 'new' Botan. He constantly berated himself, both physically and emotionally, when he caught himself gazing too long at the deity or thinking about her. He hated her with a passion…yet at the same time, he softened under her gaze.

He was unable to sort out this inner torment. It was a hurricane that he was unable to tame. He sighed inwardly. This, he realized, was a battle that he would be unable to win without help. He glanced quickly at his throng of friends. No one among them could possibly help him. Perhaps Kurama would be the best to go to…but what did he know about his problems?

No…obviously, he was alone in his quest to sort out his clashing problems.

* * *

**Here are the people that reviewed the last chapter! I didn't expect to get so many reviews! Thanks a lot!**

**Fair Undomiel:** So you WOULD read a KarasuxBotan fic if I put one up? That would be great. But right now, I'll need to come up with a plot to go with that. I'm not as good of a writer as you say I am. JDfeilding and Volpone are much better than me… but even so, I appreciate the flattery.

**Robin Autumn:** I think a HieixBotan pairing is more difficult. It's hard to keep him in character you know? All we know is that he's sort of an asshole, but you still got to love him! Thanks for your review.

**Volpone:** Blood and gore? Oh…I slipped a little on that. I COULD have put in more, but I wanted to keep it at a minimum on this. So, enjoying the twist? I'm so evil! I LOVED the way you portrayed Youko in your latest chapter to Foxgloves, but you shouldn't have left it at a cliffie! But the epilogue up soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**HieilovesBotan:** You thought the ending to last chapter was cute? That's good to hear! I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.

**DarkShadowWriter:** Yes, it is a hard pairing. I'm having some difficulty with it, but I'm doing my best! I gotta start somewhere, right? I'm glad you like it so far! Thankee!

**miyako14:** Thanks! But I'm not that good of a writer. Thanks for your review.

**Candycandy:** Which fic with Kurama and Botan? I have more than one. But thanks! Hope you enjoy this chapter too!

**Distant Voice:** Maybe it is an AU. I don't know if it is. The curse is that something bad will happen whenever Hiei falls in love with someone. As you can see, Botan got killed. But that was the past. Now the confusing part is, who is the 'new' Botan? Is she the same Botan from the past? But she's dead…right? Whoo confusing! Glad you enjoy!

**Tyedye/Rin:** Thanks so much! I hope you enjoy this chapter too…even thought it was darker so to speak. Thanks for the review!

**Dragonbabe:** Don't hurt the guy! I need him for my fic!

**Kittykat:** You like it? Thanks!

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**Keep up the lovely reviews!!!!!!!!!**


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